When I was a teenager, I went to a fireside devotional that I had been looking forward to since it was announced. Michelle King, a local TV news anchor was going to speak. I was a writer for our school newspaper (Go Huskies! We won "state" for our little school newspaper the year I graduated!) and was in the throes of finding myself and defining my interests. I loved writing. I loved dancing. I wanted to do both forever. I wanted to hear Ms. King's message, and if I was lucky, I would ask her a question in person.
I got my chance one on one to tell her I was interested in pursuing a career in Journalism, and with a brutally honest answer, she told me that it was a difficult field to break into and that my chances would be slim. I remember feeling crushed. I wondered why that would be true. What would make it difficult, I wondered. My ability, my looks, my skin color, my height, my weight, my voice, my hair, and sadly, I didn't get the follow up questions out of my mouth, because I felt stopped before I even got started.
It's not Michelle King's fault I didn't go to college to try to major in Journalism with a minor in Communications or English. However, adults have a huge influence on how they shape young people's opinion. I'm not suggesting that had she been positive with me I would not just be a local TV reporter, but maybe even a national TV news reporter. Although, sometimes, I do wish I would have reached for the stars and believed in myself enough to have even had the chance to be like Ann Curry, Natalie Morales, or Christiane Amanpour. Reality check. It's never going to happen. I had my chances along the way to make the decisions that would have led me to whatever interests I had. I was capable. I had the support from parents, family, and friends. I just didn't do it.
This isn't about regrets. Though I have one. I should have stayed at Ricks College to tryout for the Dance Co. instead of going away for the long weekend with roommates because I wanted adventure in my life. I took away the opportunity because I was young, naive, and dare I say foolish. My 40 something year old self wants to take my 19 year old self by the shoulders and say, "stay and at the very least. TRY!!"
I now wonder what my 19 year old self would say to my 40 something year old self if she had the chance to peek into the future. First she would say a few things about her physical state of being. She would be saying, "oh no you didn't just treat my body that way" because she wouldn't know that with just a peek, there have been an incredible amount of challenges and stresses that have changed my way of handling all the pressures of the past few years. Depression hurts. I also believe that my 19 year old self would take me by the hand, after her initial shock and dismay, and look into my eyes and say, "it's all going to be OK, and at the very least TRY!" I do have an incredible support system. I need to rely on their belief in me, and that of the young woman I use to be and the woman I have become to at the very least try and not be stopped before I even get started.
