Trust.

Without fail, when I am driving down the road with one of my children, or after dropping them off, and head towards running my errands, my mind drifts to my young adulthood and remembers how much I would dream of this life. A life with a husband, children, and all the responsibilities this life has. I had no clue. The second thought I have is despite all the setbacks, the failures, the tears, and the angst, I am capable of living through each trial,challenge and their counter parts all because my Mom trusts me.

Listen Linda, my life has been filled with so much goodness too. However, this little ole' post is not about comparing the good from the bad, or the rain cloud that has taken semi-permanent residence over our heads for a few years (a few long years). Right now it's still too fresh and personal to expand upon. Just know when I say I understand your concern for a) financial issues b) health issues c) depression issues d) weight issues e) marital issues f) children making heart-wrenching choices issues, I really mean I do understand. My heart is right there with yours. 

Life is funny, complicated, horrendous and beautiful. People intentionally and unintentionally hurt us. We feel pain and disappointment. Then, we are also lifted and cared for by people with big hearts and warm hugs, a listening ear and one of the most important for me, people make us laugh. However, trust, both trusting others and being trusted gives me my greatest sense of self.

I am trying to remember a specific event in which my Mother endowed me her trust. There isn't just one. It was always present. When I was a young child I can remember being in places other than our home, we could wander off to explore and play, but I could come back at any moment and she would be there. When I was a teen she handed the responsibility of learning how to drive to my Father. It was a manual transmission. It was not fun, for me or my Dad, but my Mom didn't make a big deal of it. "You'll get it." she would say. She rarely helped me with homework. She would ask if I had any and show up to parent teacher conference and remind me to try my best. She also dropped me off at registration with all my signed papers and a check to pay the fees and say, "see you at home." When I wanted to try out for "song" leader she said, "do your best, good luck!" When I wrecked on a motorcycle (I was sluffing seminary) with a friend (who was a boy)  I asked the person helping to please call my Mom. When she arrived to see my face smeared with the pavement, she didn't scold me, nor did she ever while I recovered, she just said, "think next time before you make a more costly mistake." While waiting in the ER she knew how terribly embarrassed I was to use a bedpan and told the nurse she would help me get to the bathroom. When my friend's Dad came into tell me about myself she didn't try to make excuses or protect me, she made me take my rightful lumps...literally. When I decided to go to college she told me what my parents could help with and I would need to make up the difference. She believed that I could or would and she never let on that she worried about it, if she did. I gave her my fair share of worries and concerns, especially after I left for college, and her counsel and advice did not fall on deaf ears. I am sure there were countless prayers offered and tears shed on my behalf. She never gave up on me. Then, I left for an LDS mission for 18 months, came home, left to work in CA, I was engaged 3 months after I returned from my mission, married 3 months after that, and found out that I was expecting a baby, a honeymoon baby...(how was I so naive?!) 3 babies later, a whole lot of life lived later, and every time I get into a car, whether it was in Boston with 1 baby, or in Salt Lake City with 3, I can hear my Mom while I go over the concerns of the day, or the issues at hand, "You'll get it, do your best and good luck, think before you make any decisions..." and more. Thank you Mom for showing me how to trust and be trusted. Life with me wasn't always pleasant, I know. Thank you for believing in me still, because of you, I can do anything.